STORIES OF  LBQ WOMEN IN GHANA

The Interfaith Diversity Network Of West Africa (IDNOWA) LBQ Faith Caucus is producing an Article highlighting the lived realities of LBQ Women in Ghana and how they have reconciled with their sexualities over the past years from their various religious backgrounds.  

The article will also be highlighting the challenges faced due to religious/traditional backlash from family or society in Ghana to contribute to the knowledge production of the larger LGBTIQ community and also improve our advocacy for LBQ Women. 

To illustrate the challenges faced by LBQ women in society, some of the shared personal stories have been narrated below.

AWURA NIKKI, 

MOON – Eckist, Community organizer. 

HAJIA

“I prefer to be called Hajia and I am a Feminist Muslim scholar from the Northern part of Ghana. I grew up in Nima, a Muslim community in Accra where I acquired a skill in embroidery and I am a mother of two. Growing up as a young girl, I enjoyed playing soccer and dressing up like a boy because I have always felt like one instead of a girl. I would isolate myself from the girls in Makaranta (Islamic School) because I felt different from them due to my sexual attraction towards the same sex.

In my late teens, I once had a sexual encounter with my neighbour who was a girl around my age. Although it was my first time, it was pleasurable because the girl had some sort of experience. I continued to explore my sexuality but this was short-lived because I reached the age of marriage as a Muslim girl. The pressure from my family was getting worse by the day and they finally forced me into getting married to a man they had arranged for me. I conceived a boy and a girl with this man and we stayed together as a husband and a wife for a while.

In Muslim societies, marriage ceremonies are referred to as Awure of which I attended a friend’s Awure and met different women sitting in groups conversing and having fun. I later found out these are Muslim married women who practiced their queerness among themselves and under the safety of marriage to men. One woman from the group approached me and through our conversation, noticed my masculine mannerism and showed interest in me instantly. I encouraged her advances and that was how our romantic relationship started.

Through rumours and gossip,  my husband and family found out about my same-sex affair and pressured and harassed me to the point that I could take no more, I eventually left the marriage and divorced my husband. I then continued exploring my sexuality and began expressing my gender in a more masculine manner.”

MAMA GEE

‘’I am a 56-year-old woman who engages in same-sex relationships but is married to a man. However, everyone in my community knows about my sexual and romantic interest in women, even my husband. I was born and raised in Jamestown, a fishing community in Accra. Whilst growing up, it was very easy to come across people who identified as LGBT because of how open-minded and welcoming the Ga community is towards gender-diverse persons. At age 14, I was working as a waitress in a chop bar and the owner, who was an older woman, would make sexual advances towards me until I gave in to her sexual advances. Because of my physical stature, she thought I was mature enough which resulted in a 4-year relationship where we lived together, she cared and catered for my needs. She died after a brief illness and I was advised to perform widowhood rites by her family because they were aware of our relationship. I inherited her property but was too young and naive to make any meaningful use of the wealth I acquired. I was young and foolish which made me spend the money on women and live luxuriously without making any savings.

I later got married to my best male friend and had 5 children together. My first daughter has come out to me as a lesbian which I accepted. I am not a religious person but I believe in the traditions of my land. Especially pouring of libation to our ancestors as a form of communication. I have encountered a lot of challenges as a lesbian woman. I remember an incident between myself and my husband where he angrily called me out as a lesbian to put a stop to it and focus on him and our children because that is what society requires as a married woman.

Everyone knows me as Mama Gifty in my society and for the past 40 years, I have still been myself even though I have faced so many forms of discrimination and stigmatization because of my sexuality and I hope someday, other communities will be open-minded and welcoming like mine.

MANSA

‘’ I grew up in a family of four girls and two boys. My parents were wondering and asking my older siblings why I kept rejecting my elder sisters’ clothes and preferred male clothing instead.

I didn’t understand myself either, so I leveraged the internet as I grew up to do lots of reading and research. Through this, I understood who I was and why I was different, because I was sexually, physically and emotionally attracted to the same sex. I loved going to church because my mother was a staunch Christian and raised us by her morals and values, but most times I felt like an outcast because the Christian faith kept using Sodom and Gomorrah as a yardstick to judge same-sex relationships.

I tried to blend in a society that believes in only opposite-sex relationships but could not. I prayed fervently and went to prayer meetings frequently for God to help me come out against my sexuality as a lesbian since my Christian faith is against it and made me believe it was evil and demonic. I remember back in senior high school at the age of 17, I was falsely accused of being a lesbian and having sexual encounters with my juniors. This led to a sanction and threat from the school administration, which affected my studies badly. I was depressed and lost focus, but some of my colleagues and course mates helped and supported me through the tough times with affirming words and love.

Eventually, I had to deny my sexuality to my family at some point, who made it clear that they would deny and reject any child of theirs who is queer. I am still in the closet with my immediate family because I haven’t come out to them about my sexual preference. I have dated several women so far.

Fortunately for me, I am a devoted Christian because I still believe God knows me better and it has led me to become sensitive towards my spiritual being. I have accepted my sexuality as a lesbian in good faith and I have an understanding woman in my life as a partner. 

MILLI

“It all began when I was 13 years old. I was a young girl who lived with my grandmother and cousin. I was born and raised in a Christian family. On one faithful day, my aunt took me to her friend’s place to visit and I overheard them having a conversation. In the conversation, my aunt’s friend asked her if I have ever dated or indulged myself in any sexual relationship with a man and my aunt answered no. Later that day, my aunt left me with her friend to spend the night at her place. By evening, I saw my aunt’s friend stripped naked in front of me and asked that I do the same. Immediately, she started to touch me sexually which I was reluctant at the beginning but eventually gave in.

After this encounter, I started exploring my sexuality and embracing it, which led to me dating my best friend for a while before breaking up out of several misunderstandings. That was the phase where I started facing challenges. Unfortunately for me, this best friend started outing and disgracing me to my family members and I had to keep denying all the accusations because I was still in the closet. She still did not give up there but instead sent a video of me in an LGBT-friendly club to my parents. At this instance, my family believed her and I faced rejection, discrimination and abandonment which put me through depression and pain.

Even though I am a Christian by faith, I was not attending church regularly and mostly shied away from engaging in conversations about the gospel because I felt people only used that as a yardstick to judge who I am based on my sexuality. Over time I managed to accept the rejection from my family and I struggled to cater for myself until I found a menial job. As of now, I live my truth as a lesbian woman and I am very proud I didn’t give up. ”

Naa Dor

“ I always saw myself as a boy and enjoyed playing sports games growing up as a young girl. I am a Christian who lives with my father in Nungua, a suburb of Accra. I have always seen myself differently from other girls because of how society perceives and expects a boy and a girl to dress. My wanting to dress as a boy led to my family and friends discriminating against me at school and in the church. My dad has been supportive of how I dress and he took me to a different school because of what I was facing, but I still faced some sort of verbal abuse, stigma and discrimination from my course mates as a girl in my late teens. This affected me both emotionally and physically, resulting in losing my scholarship due to the fact that I dress like a boy instead of a girl.

As I was growing older, the trauma and depression became worse and I started questioning myself as to why I should dress and behave like a boy knowing fully well my physical traits showed I am a girl. I prayed and asked why God had to make me feel and act the way I used to. With time as I started associating myself with other tomboys like me, I accepted the fact that I wasn’t the only person God created a tomboy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. The help of a couple of my friends who understood my behaviour because they were more educated than I was on sexual orientation, educated me on why I have attraction and affection to the same sex and I got to know I wasn’t under any bad influence or pressure instead this is who I am.

Moving on with my life, I started to explore my sexuality as a transman which led me to date a lesbian girl who cared and loved me for who I was. On one faithful day, we were in my room making out and my dad caught me and he beat up my partner without laying a finger on me yet I was fortunate enough to still get his support till he passed away a few years ago. My father’s death affected me so badly because he was the only person who acted as my safe haven after discovering my sexuality. 

Eventually, I moved on but still remember him each and every day of my life. Now I live my life as a pound transman. And with my faith background, I no longer practice Christianity but instead, I am more focused on my spiritual being.”

MAAMLE

“Hello friends, call me Maamle for this recount. I am a humanist, feminist and local activist and community organizer in Accra Ghana. I grew up in Accra and have lived here most of my life. I spent my childhood years being catcalled and outrightly harassed by boys and men older than me because I am big-boned, or what they call thick. Thus when I came into my queerness and understood that I can make all the choices about my body, a lot shifted for me. My story is a long and deep one which this recount shall only give a glimpse into, but I am currently in a place of acceptance and love for the being I am.

I had a very unstable relationship with organized religion growing up, especially with Christianity. From resenting Sunday services because although they lasted for two hours only, I had to wake early to the screams of my mother and would continue to endure her anxiety or her distress or her anger over having to wake and get ready three young kids before the 7 am service. I am the oldest thus I was expected to know what to do and if I did not, I was punished. To this day I suffer from the trauma inflicted by Sunday mornings and days which involved prepping to go out with my mother. I would wonder why I had to endure all that to go sit at the foot of a loving God at church. Why all this distress and suffering just to serve you? Couldn’t you make the (our) morning stress-free for my mother? Couldn’t you teach her how to handle her emotions? This theme of confusion and anger with God and religion would show up in multiple areas of my life as I grew.

In 2019, at last, I put the mantle of organized religion down and denounced all that I knew and believed and started on a journey to build my own spirituality with my own understanding. This decision would become monumental when I came into my queerness. For I did not have to contend with religious guilt nor with the shame they try to cast on queer people for being different. When I sat and got honest with myself about who I am, how I love to express and what I like there was fear and confusion but I am glad that I didn’t have to contend with religious guilt too.

Growing up, I loved curvy women. I would admire how beautifully shaped their boobs were and how they sat well with the rest of their assets. It was pure innocence and admiration! In high school, my attraction towards girls intensified but I never got the chance to act on it. I had big crushes on so many girls in high school but as i said, it ended just at that, no exploration. I got involved with boys and paid no attention to my attraction towards girls/women. I will add here that I went to an all-girls boarding school for my high school education and after completing it, I never found myself in proximity to many girls/women again until recently whilst doing community work. I remember thinking to myself a few years after high school, when the topic of homosexuals came up in a friend group chat, that being attracted to the same sex was a phase which would pass, just as mine did. But boy was I a liar!

I have come to accept myself and I have come to know that I am a lover of all beings, regardless of gender. I however prefer relationships with women as these are the only relationships that afford me the depth and vulnerability I desire.”

EDNA

“ I am Edna, a young girl who was born and raised in a traditional Ghanaian family. Within my family, we believe in passing down the beliefs, customs and practices of our ancestors from one generation to another orally and through our way of life. And through this, I happened to be the next person at a tender age to be made a traditional priestess. With the Abrahamic religion dominating in my country, there is still respect and regard for priests and priestesses within my society because they believe we are the mediators between them in the physical world and our ancestors in the spiritual world.

Talking about my sexual life, even though I have dated a number of boys maybe out of curiosity, I was having tender affection towards the same sex. Throughout my heterosexual relationships, I found myself in another relationship with a lesbian woman which helped me to understand and embrace myself. Along the line, I had to break up with my boyfriend because I could no longer feel the connection emotionally, physically and sexually for him but I rather felt that attraction towards the same sex.

As I started to live as a lesbian woman, my family and friends were not in support of it because they felt it would not be possible for me to have children with my lesbian partner. They further went on to use my position as a traditional priestess against my sexuality, that the gods will harm me if I do not end my sexual relationships with women. Fortunately for me, I have accepted who I am and their numerous advice and warning against my sexuality didn’t scare me. I give myself an assurance always that the gods knew me yet still chose me and that gives me the strength to perform the rites and follow the customs of my traditional faith. I can boldly say where I have reached in life with the challenges and experiences, I live freely as a proud lesbian.”

NHYIRA

“Growing up in Osu, a suburb of Accra, I was born and raised in a Christian family with a very strict upbringing, especially from my father. I had to go to a single-sex school in primary 2 because my dad hated the idea that a male could touch me in an appropriate manner. I am an early bloomer and at a young age, I had my female features protruding which made me look older than my age.

I used to pass the time at my aunt’s house when dad couldn’t pick me up early from school, so I waited for my female cousin then we went home together. My Cousin started becoming touchy with me and I liked it every time we were together, even though it ended after a period.  

When I got to my mid-teens, I began getting involved with my peers in high school. One unfortunate day, I was suspected of being a lesbian in school and was asked to bring my parents. Knowing how strict mine was that my father could beat me blue and black, I had to come out to my mom out of frustration and fear. My mother took it lightly fortunately and advised me not to do that in school. Surprisingly, this led to my mother opening up to me about her involvement with a woman sexually during her early years before meeting and getting married to my father. Since then till now, my mother has become my safe space. She loves me regardless and has never judged me because it has become our little secret in the family between us.

During senior high school I hid my sexuality because in my school if a person is caught, it was made clear they will be published and disgraced. After senior high school, I couldn’t come back to the same home as my father who turned out abusive always scares me. This led me to book a bus ticket and left home with a friend with the intention to punish my father for his abusive and unacceptable behaviour in order to make him know how it feels to lose a child. I later called my mother and told her she wouldn’t see or hear from me for a while and that shouldn’t make her worry about my whereabouts.

Due to my decision to leave home for a while for my own safety, my mother fell sick out of constant worry and overthinking more because I was her first child. Moreso, they were not able to contact me. I later called home and I was consoled and begged to come home since my father has realised his faults and was willing to correct them. My father came to pick me up from the bus station upon my return home and that was the first time I felt his fatherly love. He changed for the better but unknown to me, it only lasted for a short while and switched to his old and abusive behaviour again. I had to report him to the authorities at the Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit (DOVVSU) and he was cautioned to keep a distance from us before he harms us and the worse happens.

My mother together with my siblings moved to our main family house where we live there till now. Even though we were very devoted Christians, I don’t remember seeing members from our church come through for us during difficult times. My mother later passed away after some years of illness and I moved out from home permanently. I have stopped attending church because I know how homophobic they are even when they claim to love everyone but that has not stopped me from believing in God. Since then, I have been living my life as a lesbian woman and even though I am yet to come out to my father, I eventually will someday.

MORGAN

“ I was born in Somanya and grew up in Aburi, all in the Eastern Region of Ghana. While growing up, I loved playing games and sports with the boys in my area. I also saw myself as one of them because they were welcoming and friendly. I usually prefer dressing in boys’ clothes to girls’ and my father was the one who bought all my clothes for me. Although I was a young girl, my family never deprived me of the clothes I wanted to wear and how I behaved as though I was a boy. They support and love me, even when society wants to discriminate against me. I will say my childhood was very smooth because I had the support I needed from my family members.  

After I completed senior high school, I relocated to Accra to come stay with a friend. Back in my senior high school years I became emotionally attracted to the same- sex. I battled with myself because I did not understand that feeling. which I suppressed that feeling towards same-sex in my school years. Along the line when I came to stay with my friend in Accra who was in the LGBT community took me through and educated me on why I am attracted to the same sex.

Eventually, I explored my affection towards same-sex, when my friend introduced me to her lesbian partner and made me have sexual intercourse with her, which was amazing because it was my first time. Concerning my religious background, I had little or no interest at all towards worshiping God because I always doubted His existence. Since then, I have been living my truth as an open transman. I was raised in a Christian family but now I am an atheist who disbelieves and lacks belief in any existing Almighty God or any other Gods.”

In conclusion, the IDNOWA project launch event was an empowering and informative gathering that allowed LBQ individuals to share their stories and experiences. It shed light on the impact of religion on queer people, gender inequality, intolerance and discrimination in their lives and this article is aimed to create awareness and foster acceptance in society.

It also provided space for community (LBQ) activists to work together on a common goal for the preservation of our community.